As the sun sets and the breeze blows past my face, I sit and contemplate what I am meant to do in this world.
Ever since I can remember I have had a burning passion in my chest that has told me that I am meant for a change, I have no idea what this change will look like, but it feels bigger than me. It feels like a sense of purpose, through every bone in my body, and yet I have not the slightest idea of its form.
Sometimes I think I have grasped it, in my words or a quick thought, but just as quickly as the fire lights up within me, my fingers lose their grip and it dissipates into thin air.
How can a feeling so allusive become known, I feel like I’ve explored so many different avenues and still to just come up with threads of what it should be can be frustrating.
How long do I hold onto this feeling before giving up? How long do I hold out before deciding that maybe I don’t have it within me?
Do you also get that feeling of being lost and just wanting to go back to something safe? Two feelings on opposite sides of the spectrum, for one idea on the tip of the tongue, maybe never to come? Or is the wait long enough to make you cherish what it brings?
Even though I think about throwing in the towel and searching for something within safety, that feeling comes back and my courage is ignited and something mysterious feels so possible. I don’t know how, I don’t know if it’s crazy, but it feels right. In those moments I feel like I’m where I'm meant to be, even though it can get messy and confusing, it still feels like mine. I hope that if you have that feeling within your heart that you never give up on it.
Maybe I'll just keep reaching for those threads, and one day I'll see it take shape in front of me.
I hope you will be there.